I can't remember what the argument was about, but I do remember both of us sitting on the edge of the bed stewing in our anger. Since we are both stubborn and strong-willed, we were content to sit there until the other made a concession. Fortunately, my girl reminded me of our agreement. Her gentle nudge diffused the tension and allowed us to work on a resolution.
I must admit that sticking to our agreement has not always been easy, There have been nights when we've gone to bed angry with each other. Sometimes we dont talk about anything.... But we always try to reach a point where we can speak rationally and without anger.
After reading a book by David and Vera Mace, pioneers in the marriage enrichment movement, developed an acronym (AREA) to help couples deal with anger:
A - Admit your anger to your spouse
R - Restrain your anger and do not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling
E - Explain in a very calm manner why you are angry
A - Take Action to do something about the cause of the anger
These tips are useful and have helped us to approach our arguments without being overcome by negative emotions. They've also helped us to get a good night's sleep.
My girl and I realize that our time on Earth is short, and we don't want to waste it by holding on to anger. If one of us were to die in our sleep, neither of us would want to live with the guilt of knowing that our last words were not spoken in love.
Yours Truly...theGlumas
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